Someone recently said to me that he is who he is, he does what he does, and that no one has been able to change him…live with it. While I don’t believe that respecting others and their feelings a little more often requires a great deal of personality shift, it made me wonder if change is possible. I am not suggesting that this friend change for me, I love him for him, but are we truly as static as we think?

While I am still me, and there are major aspects of my personality that have remained, well, not “unchanged” but basically the same for a majority of my life. I realize and see that I am in a state of constant change. Each and every day there are small changes to the package that makes up “me”. I am a work in progress, and I hope to keep progressing until I die. I am a different person than I was when my daughter was born. I am different than I was nine months ago before our lives were dramatically changed by tragedy.

The things that I learn, hear, taste, see, read, experience and contemplate all have an effect on my evolution. The people that I encounter rub off on me in a myriad of ways. I may see and mimic those things that are awesome and incredible, or avoid those behaviors and ideals that aren’t so awesome.

I am not a perfect person, not by a long shot. But, I am working on “me” all the time, constantly. I think that this is what life is about, whether we are aware of it or not.

Learning, growing, loving.

It has been a week since my friend made his statement, and I have been thinking a lot about change. Last night I was watching the movie Life as a House(one of my all time favorite movies) and the following quote struck me and just had to be included in this post.

George talking to his teenage son, Sam:

You know the great thing, though, is that change can be so constant, that you don’t even feel the difference until–there is one. It can be so slow that you don’t–know–that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant. It happened to me.

I call it “the headache”…not “them”, not “headaches”, but “it”.

It is always there, never ending, constant. I have had this headache for over 20 years, and it is getting worse. Some days the pain is worse than others, but it is never ever gone. I have been to many doctors with various specialties. I have taken numerous drugs and have even had surgery to no avail.

It is difficult to understand, I know. When visiting a pain specialist, I explained to him the nature of the pain. He nodded his head and then asked me “so, when a headache starts are you doing something specific? Do they start in the morning?” Resisting the urge to throw something at him, or run screaming out of the room, I explained once again…this time with tears, it is so frustrating. He wasn’t listening, he didn’t understand. The headache doesn’t “start” it just is. Always.

Difficult to think, often impossible to process. My creativity is impaired, my relationships suffer. Fun is often elusive.

I hate this headache.

So very much.

I pulled out our copy of 10 Things I Hate About Youlast night and watched it. It has been on my mind since Heath Ledger’s tragic death. This is the first movie that we saw him in, we loved the music, we liked the laughs, we loved Heath…and when I say “we”, I mean Starr and myself. Not we in a multiple personality sense…although “we” liked it very much also.

I mentioned to Starr just now that I watched it…. “Oh my God! I have been thinking about that movie all week…BRING it to me! I mean, will you please bring it to me so that I can watch it this afternoon?” I’m too nice sometimes.

Heath will be missed.

I have been trying to reintroduce my version of the FlyLady’s system into my life. In the past few days…actually two of three…things came up yesterday and I just couldn’t work my little program. The great part was that I didn’t worry about it.

In those two days, I have caught up on all my laundry, my house smells clean, looks clean and my sink is shiny! The best part is that it was entirely stress free, I was also able to read for fun, take time to check in with my favorites blogs, listen to music, watch some TV and talk to friends and family. My house is not yet “detail” cleaned everywhere, but I have done a lot. Much more than I thought I could, I did detail work that I have been avoiding for months…if not years.

My current method is to work around the house on whatever seems to need it at the moment. For 15 minutes. I set my timer for 15 minutes, and work until it goes off, then I quit what I am doing. Just like that. I haven’t had a preplanned idea of what needs done, I just do. Just for 15 minutes.

Then I set a timer for 35/45 minutes and do desk work, read, practice photoshop, anything not cleaning related. And then repeat. In fact, after running errands I only did three to five 15 minute cycles each of those two days. I accomplished tons!!

I have lost my notebook. It has been three days, and I can’t find it anywhere. I have cleaned, I have hunted, I have fretted, and opened the same drawers over and over again, hoping that this time the pesky book will be laying there.

It’s not like I took it anywhere….even to another room, although I’ve looked in all of them. It should be right here—here on my desk. It is not tiny. It just vanished…damn it.

Thankfully, not life shattering….just frustrating. I’m off…to go check the trunk of the car.

And while the lyrics don’t fit this situation….the title does…I hope.

“Lost and Found” – Taken by Trees

From the Beggars Group website.

A recent topic in my local email circle: What are the things that we don’t really have to have and yet we enjoy them everyday? Things that people in poverty stricken conditions all over the world never have access to. Things to be grateful for….

I will post my “short list”, but I know that as I press enter, I will think of something else, or change my mind 100 times today…so this is my list of Everyday Luxuries for right now:

Toilet paper (indoor plumbing!?)
Burt’s Bees Beeswax Lip Balm
Diet Coke (there’s an addiction issue there)
The Internet
Books
Puffs Plus tissues
All my major appliances (washer, dryer, refrigerator, stove)
Tampons
Music
Hot water
Toothbrush/paste
My DVR
Cell phone
Chocolate
and Wine

My 10th grade photo essay…..circa 1979.

Briefly, late this afternoon, while driving Starr to visit a friend, I thought that I may have just experienced a whole day without tears over Sunny. Then, no, I remembered a moment earlier in the day, and then instantly along with that thought the tears came again.

I may be about a year late, but it has been bugging me this whole time….and I need it to be known that I find Robin Thicke creepy. Just the thought of him makes me shudder…and not in a good way. Starr, my 18 year old daughter, likes him and his music. I was creeped out from the first time I saw him…and then he started singing. Yikes.

I am relieved to find after a little research that I am not alone!

From The Beaufort Gazette:

Robin Thicke — uncomfortably creepy

And Associated Content:

Thicke reminds me of that creepy guy who hits on the wife’s 16 year old sister and wears way too much Express for Men and Abercrombie cologne.

Watch a video and raise money for charity….check out Five for Fighting’s What Kind of World do You Want and “watch a lot of videos!”