Kitty has a name. We decided that Chance fit nicely….should be Cujo. His sweetness lasted less than three days. Two and half days of nuzzling, cuddling, playing, sleeping in the sun or curled up at our feet…I don’t know what happened, but battling CujoKitty isn’t what we need in our lives right now. He will be neutered tomorrow, and we will see if he calms down….otherwise I just don’t know. Starr is walking around the house terrified, and I am just sick about it.

So, while I consider this development…..

 

Here are a couple songs off of The Morning Benders, The Bedroom Covers:

You can find and download all 12 songs at Gigantic 

And here’s what the band has to say: (copied from MySpace)

hey gang,

here are a few tracks, that we are calling the bedroom covers. as you may have guessed, all these songs are covers… and yes, we did them at home in my room! the songs that you hear here are just songs we really really like. we didn’t deliberate over which songs to pick. we didn’t try to stick to a certain time period or genre. we just recorded songs we were going to be playing around the house anyway…

these songs sound the way they do, because we recorded them with a laptop and one mic. we used mainly acoustic guitars and shakers because that’s what we had lying around, and we couldn’t make much noise in our apartment anyway. we didn’t spend time arranging any of these either. we learned the chords and the lyrics (which was pretty easy because we’ve heard all these songs hundreds of times), and we played ‘em. what you hear at the basis of the recording is generally a first take. sometimes we added some background vocals or another guitar part here or there, because the songs we were covering had a lot more going on than us, and we were feeling a bit inadequate…

but hey, you’re always fighting a losing battle when you’re recording covers, because 99.99% of the time the cover isn’t going to be as good the original. well, for the record, let it be known that none of our covers are as good as the originals. that’s part of why we wanted to give all these tracks away for free. if you haven’t heard one of these songs before, you should go out and buy it from the original artist, RIGHT NOW. disclaimer aside: if you want to hear some kids having a lot of fun playing some of their favorite songs ever, check these out.

love,

the morning benders

I won’t detail the day except to say….is it over yet? Not a bad one, just crazy busy….I can live with that!

New to me this week, thanks to Quick Before It Melts, but released last summer, I am finding these songs from Two Hours Traffic to be poppy and fun. Sometimes that is just what you need!
    

both songs are from “Little Jabs“, 2007
Two Hours Traffic 

It seems like every time we start to feel almost normal something is thrown at us to remind us that we are not allowed to live normal. Normal is for other people.

Sigh.

Starr’s sister’s weekend visit was nice, but uneventful. Much to my dismay, Starr didn’t take any pictures. Sad, because Sissy was complaining that no one cares about pictures of her anymore, that they take pictures of Rocket, but not of her. I think that it is a natural progression as kids get older, but I understand her feelings. I reminded Starr to take some while they were out, because I wanted some, but she forgot.

Starr woke up this morning feeling ill, but knowing that we have a lot to accomplish, we gathered together and left the house to run errands. While we were out, she was unexpectedly tossed under the bus by a man who didn’t for a moment consider the considerable weight his words and attitude carried. Crushed a-new. Her barely healing wounds opened up wide again. Back to the blanket for a few hours…if she wasn’t scheduled to work, it would be the rest of the day.

Hugs just aren’t enough.

Grocery shopping. 

I have been avoiding this chore, but we have run out of eggs, milk, bread, frozen chicken and peanut butter. As I pulled into the parking lot of my usual grocery store, it started pouring, thick hard rain.

I decided to wait it out for a few minutes, the groceries could wait…til tomorrow if needed. I sat there listening and watching the storm for a bit before I got bored. I used my phone to check my email….none. Then I started taking pictures. 

Right in the middle of my little (big ass) funk yesterday, I received a phone call. I answered the phone in tears. My neighbor Janice was calling from work with a problem. One of her co-workers had found a cat, and now this animal needed a home. This little guy appeared to have been abandoned. He was friendly and seemed young. Would I be willing to adopt him and give him a home?

Well. Darn it. We have been wanting a pet for a long time, but just couldn’t. My pastor, in our therapy sessions, suggested that getting a cat might be good for me. Between the fallout of the accident, and Starr leaving for college, having a cat around to talk to, to take care of, to love….having a warm body in the house…could be what saves me. He might have been right, but I just didn’t feel like I could commit any money towards a pet right now. Knowing what we are going through, my neighbor has been keeping her eye out for a cat for us, because she also felt that a pet might be positive therapy.

I told her that I would think about it, and went back to my funk. I mentioned the cat to Starr who of course wanted the cat. I made up all of my excuses…reasons why not…and decided against taking him in.

The phone rang again. Why don’t I come down and meet the cat before they take him to the shelter? I am a big pushover, so I went, excuses in hand. I wasn’t even sure why I agreed to go, but there I was driving to Janice’s office to say no in person. Stupid.

Damn it if the little bugger didn’t just melt in my arms, all purry and sweet. How could I say no to that? It was a trap, I knew it, but I was caught…or it was just what I needed, at exactly the right time.

Either way, we now have a third member of our little family. We haven’t settled on a name yet, but here is Monkey, or Bruiser, or Buster, could be Maverick, or Physical Phil:

My neighbors (not just Janice) just brought over a pile of cat supplies for us, and are insisting on paying for his initial vet visit, neutering and shots. Thank you all for being so generous and thoughtful.

As much as I have tried not to, do I carry resentment and anger towards Starr? Do I show it? Do I hold her responsible for the mess we are in? The last thing that I want is to add to her burden, but…there are many things that we are dealing with as a result of the accident. Sunny’s death. Sunny’s family’s pain. Starr’s medical bills. The boatload of community service that the judge ordered. The legal mess hanging over us.

She wasn’t doing anything wrong. The girls were buckled up, they were sober (as always), they weren’t messing around, they were just going for a drive. A drive that ended tragically.

Every day, in addition to our constant roller coaster of emotional pain, we are facing a challenge in one way or another. It’s money, or the extreme lack thereof, it’s time and how to fit work, school, therapy, charitable foundation start-up and community service into our lives. It is overwhelming.

So, do I resent her? Do I cause her more stress than she already has? I am having difficulty, because maybe there are true moments that I do. If she hadn’t pressed the gas pedal, if she had taken just another moment to look one more time….Sunny would still be here and we would be worrying about mundane things, boyfriends, roommate fights and what brand of jeans look best.

I don’t know. I don’t know how all of this can’t go back to that moment once in a while, and I don’t know how to deal with it.

What I do know is that I love her more than ever, more than I ever thought I could, she has shown incredible and inspiring strength and character, despite the rough times. She is able to keep a smile on for the public, but isn’t afraid to breakdown in the safety of my presence. But, am I safe enough? Or will my moments of doubt and frustration cause her to lose faith in me? In herself?

A Death Cab for Cutie mix:

I am opting for music again today.