You Never Know When
I was watching TV the other night, alone at home, when it hit. Hitching breath, squeezing heart…tears. Pain. It was not a physical problem, but a mental one. Another intense moment of missing Sunny, of taking on the pain of her family, of fear for Starr. I have no idea what the trigger was.
Nearly everyday, sometimes more than once, I am struck hard with the loss of Sunny. I could be doing the dishes, removing laundry from the dryer, sitting at a stop light. It’s real. Sunny is gone. I am not going to wake up from this nightmare. Ever.
I miss her, I miss her laugh, her smile, her stubbornness. I loved the way she would get irrationally angry at fictional characters on TV shows. Maybe that is what set me off the other night, as I was watching one of the shows that we would occasionally watch together, and talk about regularly.
This morning, while running an errand, I drove past the tree that was planted in Sunny’s memory. I noticed that there were paper hearts tied all over it for Valentine’s Day. It was nice and sad at the same time.
I miss you, Sweetheart.
