More and more bad days, more bad days than meh days. Bad yesterday, worse today. I’m finding it difficult to function.
I am tired of it. There are many times each and every day that I wonder why I should keep trying. Thinking, reasoning, finding my voice are difficult, if not impossible. Add in the depression from the accident and I am a walking (sometimes curled up in bed) mess!!! Looking forward to the next hour of pain, the rest of the day, tomorrow, next week…for how many years? It’s overwhelming. When do you throw in the towel and say enough is enough?
Not today. I want to be there for my daughter, to watch her in her career, to get married and have children. I plan to be grandmom to her siblings children too, they just don’t know it yet!
….Okay, I am done complaining. Hopefully tomorrow or later today I will be feeling better, and can pull together a more positive post.
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This video made me smile and tap my toes this afternoon, so I thought it might be a good way to start the weekend! Just for fun, and because Airplanes is on repeat these days I am including some recently found mp3s. I am really liking these guys!
“Cecilia-Acoustic Simon and Garfunkel cover” – Local Natives
Starr was telling me a story the other day. It involved her high school choir teacher, Mr. C.
Mr. C. was a pain in the ass. He was rude, set in his ways, unwilling to listen, often funny, caring, stubborn, and frustrating. (I just asked Starr for some adjectives for Mr. C. and she came up with, ginger (he was a red head), coy, loud, forceful, close minded, conniving, a favoritist, self centered and unprofessional) The girls hated him. Which was out of character, for both of them. Starr and Sunny tried to be pleasant…they loved choir!…they wanted to love their leader. And they did, a little, eventually, begrudgingly. They came to respect parts of him, and he them.
Mr. C., even though he had already left the school system (and town) at the time of the accident, was one of the first people to call me to check in with us, to see how we were…concerned for his girls. I will always remember and treasure that. (Damn it, just when I promised myself to stop posting tearful posts!!)
My first personal interaction with Mr. C. was when he called the house to ask me to chaperone a choir field trip. Gah. NO!! I am introverted and quiet, I can handle children in small quantities. In fact, children often love me and are attracted to me for some reason. But a bus load of TEENAGERS!!?? on a field trip? No. I’m sorry….can’t do. Well, darn it, he wouldn’t let me say no. I couldn’t sleep the night before the trip fearful of teenagers on a bus, being teenagers, and my introverted self having no control. Turns out, the kids were awesome, treating me like a friend, giving me nothing to “control”!
Starr’s story was about her name. Her given name is Mayan. I use Starr because she chose Sunny as her friend’s name on her blog, and I followed suit. Starr seemed a reasonable choice. Also, Mayan isn’t a common name, and I wanted to protect Sunny and her family. I will never use her real name here again, but it is part of this story. In addition, after a year an a half of blogging her as Starr…she is Starr, too, to me. Just as Sunny is “Sunny” and Skye is “Skye”. Anyway…
Mr. C. came to the girls school their first year of high school, which in our area is 10th grade. The school had an excellent reputation in the vocal arts and the retiring choir director was well loved by students, parents, and the community at large. Our girls were disappointed that the old choir director was no longer there. They wanted to accept and embrace Mr. C., but it was hard. His stubbornness and close mindedness did nothing to earn their favor. However, Starr tried to get to know him once in a while by participating in small talk with him.
Mr. C., as many others before (and after) him, asked Mayan where her name originated.
It was a character in the Shirley MacLaine book Out on a Limb that I ultimately decided to name my daughter after. As soon as I recovered from the shock of finding out that I was expecting, I knew that this child would be a girl and that she would be called Mayan. Actually, I tried very hard to find alternatives, I bought nearly ever baby name book out at the time and highlighted, underlined and considered all of the options. If this child had been a boy…he was in trouble, because I couldn’t choose. Andrew Steven was the only name I kept coming back to, but as my last name starts with an S, ugh! I tried and failed to find alternatives. Thankfully, things turned out just they way they were meant to be. I didn’t choose Mayan, she chose me.
Being her mothers daughter, telling the truth comes naturally, “I was named after an alien in a Shirley MacLaine book.” Hmm. He responded with:
“Oh. Well, I had something more exotic in mind, I will keep thinking that.”
Mmm. Okay, whatever makes you happy.
Which reminds me of a recent exchange Starr had with one of her Spring Break companions:
Shirley MacLaine was the topic of conversation and Starr mentioned that she was named after a character in one of her books.
Sam: “That’s silly! Shirley MacLaine is an ACTRESS!! She isn’t a writer!! She doesn’t write books!”
Starr: “No, it’s true. That is where my name came from.”
Sam: “You are wrong, Shirley MacLaine didn’t write any books.”
Several years ago, my neighbor gave me a big Christmas Cactus. It was overwhelming her and I had the space. I took care of it just like the rest of my plants. Just like laundry, I don’t do special care, I don’t have the patience. It was healthy, but didn’t bloom. Until last May, last May it gave me 10 or so beautiful flowers. And again, at Christmas, it bloomed again!! This time with 20 or so flowers.
I don’t know what I did, but I was happy to see them. Well several weeks ago I noticed that it was budding again! This time, it is giving me bunches of flowers. Wondering why, I did a little Googling and found out that you need to keep it in the “dark” for a while in order to produce buds. Aha! I figured it out.
I keep this plant in my room. When I am feeling depressed, the blinds in my bedroom are the last thing that I open. I always open the kitchen, living room and office blinds. But my bedroom isn’t used much during the day, and I sometimes just don’t feel like going to the trouble. As May approached last year, I was very depressed about the anniversary of the accident and probably left the blinds closed more often than not. This Spring I have been feeling much the same. The cactus is responding to the darkness by blooming!!
A little wake up call to me, to take care of myself, to pay attention, to remember to live…and open the blinds!! Let the sun shine in! Although, I will enjoy the blooms while they last!
Last Tuesday I was so happy with Zicam Extreme Congestion Relief nasal gel, I could hardly sit still. Today, I am not so sure. Since I was ill and unable/unwilling to go to the store, the Zicam was all I had and it did magically clear my sinuses making it easier to breathe. However, Wednesday afternoon, I noticed that I had lost all sense of smell. I couldn’t smell a thing, and believe me I tried! Direct sprays of perfume, my jar of Mentholatum…nothing. I couldn’t sleep that night worrying about what life would be with out being able to smell anything.
Ugh, the inability to “check” my own odor status. The loss of cinnamon rolls, lasagna and bacon! What about the smell of hot wires? The burning up of the belt in my vacuum? Natural gas leaks? Smoke? A forgotten item in the oven? Missing that sense of deja-vu and the memories that are associated with smell. It would be sad. I didn’t want to be without my olfactory senses. Feeling panicky, very half-hour or so, I would open my Mentholatum and give it a whiff….nothing.
I stopped using the Zicam immediately after noticing my “side effect” and luckily midday Thursday, my sense of smell slowly started to return. Today, I think I have recovered fully.
Still very sick, I went to Walgreens on Friday to pickup some more medications. One thing that I picked up (because it was free with a coupon!) was Sambucol Cold and Flu Relief. I started taking it immediately. Saturday morning, I was feeling much better. I won’t cross Zicam off my list entirely, but I will never use it in my nose again. The speed of my recovery after starting Sambucol has made me curious about the benefits of Black Elderberry.
Sometimes, a hug is all that we need. Free Hugs is the real life controversial story of Juan Mann, a man whose sole mission was to reach out and hug a stranger put a smile on their face.
In this age of social-disconnection most all of us lack that simple human touch from another, the effects of the Free Hugs Campaign are now felt around the globe.
As this simple gesture of kindness and hope spread across the city, police and officials ordered the Free Hugs Campaign BANNED. What we then witnessed was the true spirit of humanity as people came together in what can only be described as something awe inspiring.
In the spirit of the Free Hugs Campaign please pass this video to a friend and HUG a stranger! After all, you CAN make a difference.
Ah, there is Sunny’s (and now Starr’s) motto again: Make a Difference.
This year she joined a few of her sorority sisters in California, visiting San Francisco and Davis. She had a lot of fun and it was nice to get out of town, but I don’t think she had as much fun as she did in the past few years. Probably because she isn’t as close with these girls as she was to her traveling companions in the past.
My dad left the following messages on her voice mail while she was gone, which reminds us that she has been lucky over the years. She has had many experiences that most 19 year olds haven’t had. Most of them very good.
I am a light-weight geek. I like new things, but if it’s difficult, I will tend to ignore it. Here is something I ran across the other day, that is cute and totally Kelly doable. It’s a GreaseMonkey script that adds Gravitar (Globally Recognized Avatar) visibility in Gmail. You are able to see the Gravatar of the sender when reading individual emails. So far, it seems that only a few of my friends actually have a Gravatar but I like the idea, and it’s kind of nice to see a little personalization on the emails.
GreaseMonkey is a FireFox add-on. Which is good, because FireFox is what I use. Click the link below to install the add-on:
**I am editing this post to add that you might want to read my post called Zicam Revisited. I will never use Zicam Extreme Congestion Relief again. I do not recommend it.**
At 4am this morning, Zicam was my new hero. I’ve had the bottle of Zicam Extreme Congestion Relief in my cabinet for a long time. I wasn’t convinced that it would be effective, so I hadn’t tried it. Unable to sleep, unable to breathe, my face throbbing from sinus pressure, completely out of my usual cold medications. In desperate need of relief, I suddenly remember the Zicam. Within seconds after using it, I could breathe, easily. It was a little miracle! I am still breathing over 8 hours later!
I wasn’t able to sleep however, I was so amazed at my ability to breathe, that’s all I thought about. Finally getting up to watch some of the recordings on the DVR before trying sleep again, this time succeeding! Yay!
I won’t be partying in celebration of St. Patrick’s Day today, but I wish you a happy one anyways! Have fun for me please!
Name? Kelly. Mysterious? Not really. Passionate? Yes. Lazy? Sometimes. Outgoing? Not a bit. Trusting? Mmhmm. Artistic? On good days. Crazy? Could be. Trustworthy? Absolutely. Graceful? I wish. Sarcastic? Often. Deserving? You bet. Forgiving? Yes. Religious? No. Spiritual? Yes. Uncertain? At times. Confused? Sure. Distracted? Daily. Silly? Yeah. Talkative? Not. Punctual? To a fault. Breakable? Quite.
Robb Wolf's 30 Day Total Transformation is the ultimate "getting started" guide to the Paleo diet. Includes interactive information on nutrition, metabolism, exercise, a meal plan, shopping list, and more.
This is not a music blog. While it is my desire to share free and legal music here (music is a part of me), it is not my goal to critique this music.
If I have posted music, it is because I like it, and it moves me at the moment. It might match my mood, it could be on repeat, or mirror the sentiment of my post. It might be quite random, and just what I wish to share.
*Older links may not always work, as promotional MP3s, in particular, are known to disappear without warning.
Artists and labels: if I have erred and posted a song inappropriately, let me know, and I will remove it.
To download a song: on a PC, right click the link and choose "save link as"
Support the artists by buying their music!!
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