I Can’t Do It
Starr and Sunny, Spring Break 2007
I was reading Little Bee last night when, in the story, Sarah asks Little Bee to delete her recently deceased husband’s number from her cell phone for her because she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
I still have Sunny’s phone number in my contacts. It has been over three years. I don’t know why it’s still there. Why have I resisted deleting it? I’m not sure. Maybe it’s the letting go that I am not ready to do. It stabs me in the heart just a bit every time I scroll by it. I miss her. I know that deleting the number will not diminish her memory. I will still think of her and her family a hundred times a day…yet.
I fell asleep with the resolve that I was going to delete the number when I woke up. I was going to take that step. At midnight I felt ready.
In the light of day, I still can’t do it.
There are no hard and fast rules. Delete it or don’t delete it. It is up to you and on your own terms. Thinking of you!
JLO recently posted..Livvie
It’s just not time. Don’t worry about it. You will make this decision when it feels right for you, no one else.
(hug)
Ann Harrison recently posted..Along For The Ride To Redmond
Wow, Kelly. This post was rough to see and read. I can’t imagine living it. What a bright and beautiful girl Sunny was. I’m afraid I’d be just like you and never be able to delete that number. Some might say that’s dysfunctional, but why? It’s another memory of her that is tangible. We don’t put pictures away or other things that remind us. I think it’s wonderful, frankly, that you have it (unless it recreates pain each time you see it, but like you said, you already think of them so much).
I just said to Grizzly the other night, if anything happened to my children I would leave their rooms exactly as THEY left them. A type of memorial. And no, I DON’T think that’s strange. It would be a huge comfort to me. To each his or her own.
Big (they feel worthless sometimes) cyber hugs to you. This is just hard. Period.
you know what i think.. if you don’t feel ready for it.. why push it?
maybe you’ll keep it forever.. and in my book.. that’s JUST FINE.. this is an instance when what you should do.. is what YOU think you should do….
btw- little bee huh? that was probably one of the HARDEST OF HARD books i’ve read… i read in a couple of months back.. and i still think of it. and yea- i’m pretty convinced i would have followed sara’s footsteps on the beach.. maybe it would NOT have made a difference to little bee… but how could you NOT try.. right?
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I think I would feel the same way. You’ll know when it is time.
Jenn @ Juggling Life recently posted..On the Road to Righting a Wrong!
Don’t force it Kelly… It’s not time. And that’s okay…
Pics of Starr and Sunny always make me smile