Several years ago, five or more, I decided that the pictures and junk that I’d collected on my refrigerator needed to go. I cleaned it all off and was happy with my clutter free fridge. Starr didn’t agree. She said that we needed pictures. That it was homey and the way it should be.

As usual, I caved and looked for a solution that would make both of us happy. I found these little magnetic plastic frames. It was funny, because the magnets just wouldn’t hold the weight of the frame to the fridge. Seriously. I hate it when things don’t work! I had to go out and find some magnetic strips and fix each and every one of those suckers.

For a while, I rotated the pictures regularly. With pictures of Starr and her friends, her siblings, my nephew…it was nice. And she was right!

In the past three years, since the accident, I have made very few changes. Sunny is still there, as is Skye, but they are all old pictures. It has been a comfort. I need to and want to make some changes. It is time.

So here is today’s door:

My goal is to make those changes…and soon!

Tour de Fat, 2009

I didn’t participate in New Belgium Brewery’s annual Tour de Fat, but was an observer of some of the remnants circling around town. Next year, I am going to make sure that I make Tour de Fat a priority. First thing, driving in Fort Collins during Tour de Fat is a trick! But the costumes and energy of the event left me smiling!! I posted a video from last years celebration, above, because it makes me smile.

Below are some of my famous cell phone pics from my weekend (I need a new camera!), Tour de Fat, Brazil Fest to see my friends and their Afro-Brazilian drum ensemble Bloco em Foco along with Marcus Santos and then a fabulous birthday gathering.

Overall, a pretty good weekend!

*I was really blessed when Sammy, the cat, joined our family. He really did help lighten things up around here! He helped me take my thoughts off of the accident from time to time and I desperately needed that. Although Zeta kitten was a real cutie, I wasn’t sure how he would fit into the mix. I have been doubly blessed by their friendship, it has been a real treat to watch them play and interact with each other!

*Starr spent the holiday weekend in Denver splitting her time between friends (a 21st birthday and the big CSU/CU game) and her siblings and step-mom. I love those kids and wish that I could have spent some time with them too…hopefully soon! Gosh, look at that! Starr’s little brother is 12 and will be taller than her in just a second! I found a pic from just over 18 months ago and Starr is squatting to get in the picture with him.

*I did some things over the weekend too! If I have decent pictures, I will create a separate post. If not…Happy Birthday Rosemary!! I had a great time at your party! And I just love living in Fort Collins!

* I don’t Tweet, but I just read this posted by PostSecret on Facebook. I have difficulty with all of it, but I’m working on it:

Dance like the photo’s not being tagged, Love like you’ve never been unfriended, Tweet like nobody’s following, (and added by a commenter) Blog like you’re your only reader

“We asked moms if they could go back to before their first baby, what would they tell themselves. These are their answers. Everyone in the video is a mom ”

Although I love this and I think that the messages are awesome, it also strikes me that most of these moms seem to be young moms. I think that most of the messages stay the same, but there are more as your child ages. Life happens…you know? *sigh* It isn’t as simple as “sleep now”, although it used to be. I seriously thought I knew what I was doing when Starr was little. And I did the best I could. We have always been fine, the two of us, but things change. Tragedy, the relationships with those around us and changes in our own relationship as she is getting ready to live her own life. The learning and the changing never stops.

I don’t suppose it ever will. And I think that is a good thing!!

I found Starr digging through this box of buttons the other day. She was decorating her bulletin board for her room in the sorority house. I used to pick up buttons here and there back in the day, from when I was in high school and college in the early 80s. When she was little she loved going through the box, looking at each button, occasionally asking questions, “are beer drinkers really better lovers?”

I am sure that she has taken some of the best buttons over the years, but there are still quite a few left. It is fun to look at them, they bring back some really great memories.

Just like Sammy, Zeta just had to get in middle of things!!

Hate to be a little video-centric this week, but this was so cool I just had to share:

Giant Stinson Beach Bubbles (Canon 550D)

I have spent a good part of the past few days in a deep funk, despite the bright light provided by the new addition to our family. Zeta is a sweetheart!

Constantly on  the brink of tears, I’ve been an emotional basket case. It’s not one thing, but many things. Things haven’t changed this morning, but I did have a long heart to heart with a friend last night and she told me some things that I needed to hear. Tears again, but good ones.

I am grateful for friends who care, who see me for me and who love me, despite the protective walls that I try to keep so firmly in place. I am grateful for my daughter, who made me laugh this morning. Yes, there are many things to be grateful for today.

Coincidentally, a friend posted this video on Facebook today. It made me smile, so I’m passing it along:

The Original Gratitude Dance
The GratiDudes

You can’t watch that video with out being reminded of the awesome Where the Hell is Matt? videos (love these!!):

Where the Hell is Matt?

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008)

From Danielle LaPorte of White Hot Truth (check it out!)

your permission slip from the universe

I’ve got the Goddess of Permission on speed dial and she was thrilled to oblige with this sweeping list of acts of self expression and liberation. We can draw on it whenever we need. Come back often. Build on it. The Permission Goddess sends kisses and high-fives.

you have permission to

: not finish reading books that you’re not really enjoying. Don’t force it, close it.
: walk out of movies that suck (and hey, if you leave in the first twenty minutes, you can get your money back.)
: let it go to voicemail (especially during dinner, or snuggling, or watching So You Think You Can Dance?)
: give birthday gifts anytime of the year (which means you can be late or early and you can give yourself time to find just the right gift.)
: talk shit about WalMart (even if they do have the economic power of a small country.)
: cut the obligations cords that are driven by guilt.
: pursue your own agenda.
: own next to nothing, live on a mattress, read and write and make love all day with no other responsibilities
: return crappy products to their crappy manufacturers (because you can vote with your dollars.)
: leave your current business model so you can go do something bigger than you
: tell your kids when you think that something an authority figure told them is bullshit (you need to be in solidarity with your child, not the so-called grown ups.)
: quit your job, even if you just started two weeks ago, or just got a raise, or are seemingly indispensable.
: get yourself off even, if you have a partner.
: have some secrets.
: cut out the elements of your business that you don’t totally LOVE. The parts that 90% of the time make you say, “WHY am I doing this? I don’t WANT to do this.”
: give away/recycle/get rid of stuff, stuff, stuff sentimental stuff that special people gave you (your home is for you, not them); stuff that doesn’t make you feel good even, if you spent a lot of money on it; stuff that has intense memories attached to it; stuff!
: say no to “free” stuff, like swag bags at fancy events and novelty erasers and pom-pom pens from the bank. (Because the only thing in life that’s free is love.)

you have permission to

: fail, and fail again.
: to succeed, wildly, more than your neighbors, more than your folks, more than you thought was possible.
: be rich and “spiritual”
: be broke AND generous
: leave work early, get some ice cream, and sit in the hot tub at the gym
: charge what you’re worth
: focus more on creating your soul job and less on finding a ho’ job.
: sleep! sleep in, nap, sleep.
: earn a living knitting for charity.
: relax. To let go of the growing to-do list in your head. To release the need to get it “just right.”
: to dance 
: go bra-less or underwear free.
: give it all to charity.
: check your email whenever the hell you want.
: start now, without the degree, without the funding, without knowing exactly where you’re going.
: sell your house to afford a big trip to India (a friend of mine did just that, no regrets.)
: walk away.
: fall in love.
: eat dessert first.

you have permission to : not ever feel the need for permission.

Thank you, Rosemary, for sharing this. I needed it this week!

I was sitting at the vet’s office with Zeta yesterday, when I happened to spy this poster:

So, at year 7 the pets begin to develop diseases common to their senior human counterparts. Okay.

Next to that was the chart, comparing  cat years to human years (the dog chart was similar, but a little more complicated involving weight):

Um. Excuse me?!?!

My “senior years” started two years ago?!! Someone should have said something!!

Seriously.

Oh, and Zeta is officially all boy and seems to be in good health. Now it’s a matter of getting the cats to get along. That would make me very happy!!

Starr moved back to the sorority house last Friday, classes haven’t started yet, but the girls are very busy preparing for fall recruitment. Their schedules are packed! She said, “don’t count on seeing me until your birthday, I’ve scheduled the night off so that we can spend some time together!”

That’s cool!

So I was a little surprised when I received a text message from her yesterday. “Can you come pick up a stray kitten??” Ya, sure. I grabbed the cat carrier and headed to the sorority house. The girls were lined up at the front door practicing one of their greeting/recruitment songs. Starr ran the cat out to the car and quickly headed back to get back to work.

I haven’t invaded its privacy too much, but I am thinking…boy.  Maybe. “He” doesn’t have a collar, is thin (he ate like a maniac when offered food), he has junk stuck to his fur and is as sweet as can be. Beautiful too!! The (crappy cell phone) picture doesn’t show it, but those eyes are a brilliant icy blue. I’ve fallen in love.

Starr called me later to fill me in. Apparently some of the members of the fraternity across the street found the kitten (I am guessing around 12 weeks old?) somewhere and proceeded to dump it on the lawn of Starr’s sorority house.

I’ve looked through all the lost pet lists that I can find and am headed to the vet this morning to have him/her scanned for a micro chip. In the meantime, Sammy (my resident cat) is very curious, but Zeta kitten is scared, so I’ve kept them separated.

We will see what today brings!!