A friend asked me recently what my favorite song of all time was. Truth is, I just don’t know. I have many many songs that sing to my heart, or make me smile or move more than others. It truly depends on the day, the hour, my mood, current events, etc.
Quickly checking my iTunes library of songs, this is the single most played song in my collection:
However, that doesn’t account for playing music on my iPod, from different sources or especially life before iTunes. CD’s, cassette tapes, records and the radio! Or the fact that I don’t listen to music at the computer much anymore, it has been a few years. At any rate, this song is the second most played:
And lastly, the tenth most played song:
You can be as mad as a dog at the ways things went, you can swear and curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go.
–Tugboat captain Mike, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
However, this year, today…not tomorrow…I am going to make a more consious effort to allow myself to breathe, to live, to accept that I can’t fix this. To stop taking on everyone’s pain as my own. I have enough. It serves no purpose, it really doesn’t relieve them of any of their grief or suffering, it only adds to mine.
I discovered both of these songs via a Fingertips recommendation fall of 2006.
I am in a world of pain, so I thought that I would post a couple “soothing” songs to go along with my headache today, but I found these instead:
So…I spent some time looking through my music files.
Memories. I am not a writer, I don’t have the skills to make my words flow like I’d like, or to paint the pictures that I would like to convey. But, sometimes, I need to write, to clear my head. Once I’ve put it on paper, the thoughts are somehow released, and I can move on.
I believe it will take a lot of writing to release the pain and grief of losing Sunny. It has been over four months, and the pain and loss are still as sharp and as intense as they were the first moments.
My then seventeen year old daughter, Starr, and her very best friend, Sunny, were involved in a very serious and tragic car accident that took Sunny’s life. I have told no one the details of my experience that night. There was enough—too much—to deal with at the time, for all of us. But the images, sounds, smells and fear haunt me.