It was several weeks after the accident before I could actually turn on a radio, or listen to music at all. It was much longer before I was able to listen to the The Format or The Fray, just two of the many bands that Sunny and I had in common. Songs by both bands are still greeted with an involuntary reach for the controls to change the channel or bump the mp3 player to the next song, it is all still very painful.
I was afraid that I would lose music altogether. I am glad that I haven’t, but…still, nearly every song I hear,whether old or new, is laced with memories of her.
I never know when it will hit, only that it will…sometime, everyday (except one). Music is often a trigger, but it could be anything. Friday, while driving to meet Starr, I saw a couple of high school boys driving in my neighborhood. It was lunch time, and I know that they were on their way back to school. It was something about that sight, about their innocence, their freedom, the potential of their future, that made me lose it…for just the first time that day.