I started this post last week. I had an idea. A good idea. I wrote the title knowing that it would be enough to remind me exactly what I had in mind. It wasn’t. Have I said that I need to keep better notes? Yeah. I do know that I planned to share my Rocket hug moment, so I will go with that.
My daughter used to ask “do you want it soft, medium or hard?” when she would give me a hug. We are a huggy family. I love hugs, I love cuddling….makes me happy!
One hug that I remember above most others wasn’t from Starr, but from her little brother, Rocket.
We had recently reconnected with Starr’s dad and family and were invited to her grandmother’s home for Christmas day celebrations. Rocket would have been two and a half years old. As he arrived with his parents and sister he saw me across the room and took off in a run to greet me and give me a huge hug. There were lots of other people there, that family has large gatherings. Rocket made my day as I was surrounded by people I didn’t know yet and feeling a little lost, he made me feel wanted…loved.
I will never forget it.
He’s 11 now and we don’t get to see him or his sister, Sissy, as often as we would like, but I love them dearly.
Starr is in her second year of college, and has been working on a history major with an emphasis in teaching. She wanted to be a high school teacher, because she loved school and she loved many of her teachers and wanted to be a positive influence on future students. Her additional plan was to get her masters in counseling so that she could be a high school counselor.
Starr, on the right, and her little sister, Sissy. January 2009
Starr, Sunny and Skye approached high school with the attitude that it was up to them to make the most of it. They joined, they participated, they laughed, they got to know the staff, they sang, they volunteered in the community. They achieved their goal.
Since high school, and the accident, Starr has continued to volunteer. In addition to volunteering at the local women’s shelter and starting her own non-profit in Sunny’s memory, she was recently named fundraising chair for her sorority, raising money for their chosen philanthropy.
…and with her little brother, Rocket. Same day.
Over the last few months, an idea has been growing. A change of plans. Instead of teaching, she wants to work in the non-profit field. She wants to help people. She has done some research and feels that her current major path can remain the same, and she will continue to volunteer over the next few years. Though she wants to focus more of her hours into building her experience with the administrative and fundraising functions of the charities.
If I haven’t said it before, she flippin’ rocks my socks! She isn’t perfect, but she has an amazing life view. Her choice to keep living, to keep striving for a meaningful future in the face of tragedy has constantly amazed me. It hasn’t been easy, but she is so determined and sees so clearly why she needs to do the things she does. I wish I had that ability.
Grandpa Bill passed this afternoon. He never woke from his coma, but was surrounded by family throughout the day giving him their love. I spoke with Starr’s dad this evening and he said that “he is in a better place, a place where he isn’t in pain anymore.”
A better place.
Bill was in a great deal of pain for the past few months getting weaker and weaker every day and at some point death makes sense. I understand that. There is only so much you can do. I also heard that statement over and over again after the accident and Sunny’s death. I often wondered what exactly that meant for her. Is is just something you say? She was a senior in high school, laughing, healthy, had just been to prom, was looking forward to college, she had big plans for her life…how exactly was she in a better place? For her it doesn’t make sense. Nothing made sense. *Sigh* I digress. It has been a rough few weeks.
Grandpa Bill holding Starr’s little brother Rocket…several years ago.
I didn’t get to know Bill as well as I would have liked. Life works that way sometimes, but the Bill I knew was solid, loving, quick to laugh and had a twinkle in his eye like he knew a secret about you…but would never tell. I did love him and will miss him.
We found out just recently that Grandpa Bill’s cancer has spread during treatment instead of improving. In the past two weeks his health has deteriorated rapidly. The doctors have put him in on-site hospice care. Although, his family would like for him to be home and are working hard trying to make that a reality. (I started this post yesterday, and since then have learned that he is in a coma via sedation, and while his wife remains convinced that he will be coming home soon, it just might not happen.)
My thoughts and prayers are with Grandpa Bill and Grandma Cora, as well as with Starr’s dad and the rest of the siblings and their families as they move through this emotional and difficult time.
Starr spoke with her brother and sister yesterday. Ten year old Rocket is a worrier and has questions about life and death. I thought Starr’s answers were great. Sissy, on the other hand, is fourteen and seems to be unplugging a bit from the events that surround her. Concentrating instead on how to get money so that she can go to California, land auditions and become a star.
I guess we all handle things differently. As for myself, I spent a good part of the day Friday suffering from a serious lapse in my New Years Resolution, taking on the grief and fears of Bill, of Cora and of Starr’s dad. It took Starr to talk me down…or up…and remind me of what I had so recently talked about. What I already knew.
I have been really absent lately, I’ve been under the weather. My cold has morphed into bronchitis and hasn’t been much fun. Blech. So this post is a little this-and-that.
Starr is home for the holiday break…although she decided to go out of town right away to visit some of her nearby high school–now college–friends who are still in classes through Tuesday, so I haven’t really seen much of her. Less than normal really. Which is good in many ways.
She has decided to quit her job at the Aveda salon, which she loved, but the commute…via me…wasn’t working and she was disengaging from her sorority experience and from college. She will now be able to work more hours at her professor’s assistant job and be more involved with school. Hopefully her grades will improve! The side effect of this is that she won’t need me to drive her back and forth anymore. Good for more reasons than are obvious and sad because I will miss her!
“No worries!” She says. “I will still have laundry on the weekends for you!”
Um, yeah, about that…..I have already started saving quarters for her! I just know that they have laundry facilities in the sorority house!
She received good news last week in that she was named Philanthropy Chair for her sorority. She is both excited and nervous about this. It is the position she wanted, but she doesn’t want to mess it up! I am sure that she will do a great job, as long as there is no laundry involved!
We have planned our Thanksgiving menu, which is the same as always. Starr is resistant to new dishes and has her favorites that she will not give up! Sometimes I wonder how her future husband and family will fit into her idea of how things work!? I think they will just have to conform!
We will be having: Grandmother and Mammaw’s chicken n’ cornbread dressing, homemade yeast rolls, mashed potatoes, Starr’s favorite Gulliver’s corn, Mammaw’s candied sweet potatoes (which are all mine, Starr won’t eat them!) apple pie and ice cream. Since it is just the two of us usually, we get to do what we want! It’s a carb-o-licious feast!
We wish that we lived closer to family, so that we could share the day with them, but we also enjoy spending the day together. Old movies, cooking, food, playing card and/or board games…a day to take a true break from “life” and just be…together.
I am thankful to have a daughter who loves me completely, who gets me, and who loves spending time with me. Thankful to have a good relationship with my brother who I love dearly, and to be Aunt to the most amazing 8 year old EVER! I am thankful for Starr’s siblings and their love. I am thankful for DJT and his friendship…I really don’t know what I would have done without it lately. My parents, for their patience and for everything that they have ever done for me.
I pray for Sunny and her family, during these emotional holidays, as well as each and every day. I send them my love and wish for continued healing. I know they miss her terribly. Which is a gross understatement, words are truly inadequate.
I am thankful to have been Sunny’s friend, to have known her, loved her and been loved by her.
WWE “Professional” Wrestling! (I am not going to link to it…it is ridiculous..)
That is all.
Okay, that wasn’t all, but it would have been all if we had let him. From the moment he walked in the door it was “Divas”, “Superstars”, “John Cena”, he spent time on the web site, he watched videos on YouTube, he looked at merchandise he wanted to buy. Yikes.
Starr and Skye did take him to the drive-in for “Wall-E” and a nice long nap through “Get Smart”. The girls gave “Wall-E” a big thumbs up and a solid “meh” to “Get Smart”. Oh, look, he is wearing the same Green Day shirt he was wearing in the picture that I posted last week. Kid loves Green Day…or he did, it is hard to keep up.
We loved having him with us…WWE and all. We are looking forward to Sissy’s visit next weekend.
Starr, Skye and Rocket went to the drive-in theater tonight so I was spending a little time recovering from Rockets obsession with WWE (wow, I really don’t get that stuff!) and started clicking around on YouTube. It started with a search for XTC and ended up here:
Featuring “I Just Can’t Get Enough” by Depeche Mode
I have always loved Cary Grant too…but I don’t have the time or energy to do the minimum around here (Starr relished pointing out the near dust bunnies on the dining room table today…thank you very much! Am I the only one in this house allowed to touch a duster?? I worked so hard cleaning downstairs and washing sheets this week, I gave up on the upstairs. Funny thing is, Rocket wants to sleep on the sofa in the living room. I don’t think he even looked at the stairs…throw him Starr’s dirty pillow and blanket and he’s happy. Who knew?)…let alone make awesome videos like this.
The person/people behind CGMTV have at the moment posted 58 videos adoring Cary Grant. It took me awhile to choose a second example, it ended up being like picking a name out of a hat, but here it is:
Starr’s nine year old brother, Rocket, is taking a mini vacation from his other sister, Sissy, and is spending the weekend with us! Yea! We have been looking forward to his visit. Sissy gets her turn in a couple weeks…and we are looking forward to her visit also!!
Rocket at Starr’s Graduation Party, 5/2007
While I worry over what I didn’t plan, buy, clean or prepare for this weekend, here are a couple of “not necessarily new” songs to listen to:
Name? Kelly. Mysterious? Not really. Passionate? Yes. Lazy? Sometimes. Outgoing? Not a bit. Trusting? Mmhmm. Artistic? On good days. Crazy? Could be. Trustworthy? Absolutely. Graceful? I wish. Sarcastic? Often. Deserving? You bet. Forgiving? Yes. Religious? No. Spiritual? Yes. Uncertain? At times. Confused? Sure. Distracted? Daily. Silly? Yeah. Talkative? Not. Punctual? To a fault. Breakable? Quite.
This is not a music blog. While it is my desire to share free and legal music here (music is a part of me), it is not my goal to critique this music.
If I have posted music, it is because I like it, and it moves me at the moment. It might match my mood, it could be on repeat, or mirror the sentiment of my post. It might be quite random, and just what I wish to share.
*Older links may not always work, as promotional MP3s, in particular, are known to disappear without warning.
Artists and labels: if I have erred and posted a song inappropriately, let me know, and I will remove it.
To download a song: on a PC, right click the link and choose "save link as"
