Snowshoeing

It wasn’t me. As usual.

Mayan (Starr), Sarah (Sookie) and friends spent a recent weekend in Estes Park and went snowshoeing in the mountains. I pinched a couple pictures off of Facebook to share:

The crew! Mayan is wearing the pink hat. Sarah in the blue.

The view!

Pillow Flipping

“I never knew that flipping your pillow during the night to get the ‘fresh’ side was something that people did.” Starr explained to me the other day.

Her friend told her about the practice while they were in Vegas for the weekend.

“I’d never flipped my pillow over before. It felt really good when I did!”

Wow. All this time!?

Was pillow flipping a skill that I was supposed to teach her? Did I fail her? Laughing, I was wondering what else I might have missed. The little things that have slipped through the cracks. Where is the parenting master list??

Smiles

A recent pic of Starr and her friend Sookie, while ice skating the other night.

They are growing up all of a sudden. Starr is thinking about graduation, Sookie is student teaching…sigh. They are no longer kids.

A New Year (and a repost)

What I have learned, is that getting over the pain of Starr’s accident and Sunny’s loss is a very long process. Longer than I ever imagined, and I am beginning to feel that I may never actually be able to push through to the other side. However, I am not in the same place that I was last year, where I was slightly better than the year before. Slightly better is good, I will accept that and continue to work on my goals to live and breathe, to smile and learn to accept.

Here is last years post:

I just reread last years End of the Year/New Resolution post. Among other things, I said:

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions as a rule. Setting myself up for failure is something that I try to avoid. I believe that life is about learning and growing, fixing, changing, laughing, and loving…all the time. I try to make it a constant effort and avoid tying it to a specific day.

However, this year, today…not tomorrow…I am going to make a more conscious effort to allow myself to breathe, to live, to accept that I can’t fix this. To stop taking on everyone’s pain as my own. I have enough. It serves no purpose, it really doesn’t relieve them of any of their grief or suffering, it only adds to mine.

And to smile more and mean it!

Yes, Sunny is still on my mind each and every day. I miss her. I think about and send love to her family daily as well, as they still and will always carry the loss of their beautiful daughter. There are days that it catches up with me more than others, but I do think that I have moved forward in positive ways.

I do smile and laugh more and I definitely mean it!!

So, for 2010, I plan to continue…learning, growing, living, laughing, being silly, loving and healing. And I want to make more art.

Starr and Sunny, being silly, Summer 2005

mp3: “Raindrops” – Grand Hallway
“Oh the sound of life, oh the sound of love”
“Oh the sound of change, oh the sound of starting”
Buy it here: Promenade
Grand Hallway-MySpace

Christmas Morning

It is a little sad and quiet around here on Christmas. Starr and I keep our smiles on, but really with just the two of us, it is difficult to distinguish Christmas day from any other day. One thing that Starr wants is “something special” for breakfast. Often I make biscuits and sausage gravy, but this year I made Cinnamon Roll French Toast. We might have found a breakfast worthy of making it a tradition!

Yum!

I took a short road trip to Laporte Colorado and bought giant cinnamon rolls at Vern’s Place. These I sliced like bread, but thicker and drenched in my latest french toast batter, eggs, sweetened condensed milk, vanilla, cinnamon and a little salt. Amounts vary each time I make it, which isn’t often because oh-so-rich and dangerous! I slow cooked them in butter until done. Starr approved!

They are sinful, but I think we can handle it once a year!

Memories and Dances

Starr’s sorority had a formal this past weekend. Her date was the same young man she went to the Winter dance with her junior year of high school almost five years ago.

I don’t think that E and Starr are destined to be together, much to my dismay, but they have remained friends over the years.

Last Saturday night, seniors in college:

And February 2006, juniors in high school:

They were at Sunny’s house that day, getting ready, taking pictures and having fun:

Aren’t they cute? It seems forever ago, yet so very recent at the same time!

Dragonfly’s Favorites: This Santa

Starr colored this paper Santa at daycare when she was three years old, 18 years ago. It makes me smile every time I see it. I have a companion tree ornament that I cherish equally. Oh, and the reindeer with her traced hands as antlers that we post on the fridge! So cute.

She doesn’t make things like that any more. *sad face* I know…they grow up!

Do you have a favorite holiday decoration?

Monday Monday

We didn’t go anywhere and no one came to visit. Starr and I had a mini-Thanksgiving, just the two of us. It was nice and stress free, though there are times that I wish we had family closer. Starr made this Apple Pie, it was really good. It was her first ever pie making experience…I think she will do it again!! I hope that she will do it again!

We talked about taking a day trip to Estes Park while she was on break. I might of actually taken some pictures, but her professor assigned two papers due today, so Starr spent most of her “break” writing and reading. It wasn’t much of a break at all!

The Holiday decorations are up and we are ready for the season. Starr actually broke her long-time rule of waiting until Thanksgiving is over and started listening to Holiday music a couple weeks ago.

Her sorority sisters have been getting a kick out of teasing her for her unusual playlist. I guess that is partially my fault!! Here is one of her favorites, she says that it is the best Christmas song ever! Though I am sure that many songs are equally her favorite!:

“Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey” – Lou Monte

What is your favorite Christmas or Holiday song??

Holding Hands

Starr was a very affectionate child.

Always a cuddler, she was more comfortable in my lap, in my arms, leaning against me or holding my hand. I loved each and every second of it.

She would hold my hand in public places until she was about 12, when she announced that she wouldn’t be holding my hand any longer. I respected it. I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable.

It was about 4 months after she made that declaration that we were shopping at the local mall and she kept reaching for and holding my hand. I smiled and let it happen. We would separate and then she would be reaching for me again. She was holding my hand more often than not. I was aware of it and didn’t reach for her or instigate it, she was reaching for me. Repeatedly. I savored it, because I knew that this sort of thing wouldn’t last.

I was right and that was the last time she really held my hand in public. We’ve talked about and laughed about that day many times over the years.

The truth is, she really likes me…and I love her…yanno…just a little bit!

His Smiles are Contagious

Starr and I received free tickets to a taping of eTown radio show featuring Josh Ritter and The Hold Steady Wednesday night. What an interesting experience! It was a lot of fun too! It was a two hour taping for a one hour show which will be broadcast in 6 to 8 weeks.

Josh Ritter was the artist that we were most familiar with and he was great. His smiles and barely contained energy were a joy to watch. Though we knew little about The Hold Steady, we throughly appreciated their music too.

Josh Ritter – “To the Dogs or Whoever” on Letterman

The Hold Steady – “The Sweet Part Of The City” – live El Rey, May 5, 2010

As the left the venue, we were greeted by our first snow. Big beautiful wet sticky flakes. As much as I hate Winter, it was really lovely.