“I never knew that flipping your pillow during the night to get the ‘fresh’ side was something that people did.” Starr explained to me the other day.

Her friend told her about the practice while they were in Vegas for the weekend.

“I’d never flipped my pillow over before. It felt really good when I did!”

Wow. All this time!?

Was pillow flipping a skill that I was supposed to teach her? Did I fail her? Laughing, I was wondering what else I might have missed. The little things that have slipped through the cracks. Where is the parenting master list??

A recent pic of Starr and her friend Sookie, while ice skating the other night.

They are growing up all of a sudden. Starr is thinking about graduation, Sookie is student teaching…sigh. They are no longer kids.

What I have learned, is that getting over the pain of Starr’s accident and Sunny’s loss is a very long process. Longer than I ever imagined, and I am beginning to feel that I may never actually be able to push through to the other side. However, I am not in the same place that I was last year, where I was slightly better than the year before. Slightly better is good, I will accept that and continue to work on my goals to live and breathe, to smile and learn to accept.

Here is last years post:

I just reread last years End of the Year/New Resolution post. Among other things, I said:

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions as a rule. Setting myself up for failure is something that I try to avoid. I believe that life is about learning and growing, fixing, changing, laughing, and loving…all the time. I try to make it a constant effort and avoid tying it to a specific day.

However, this year, today…not tomorrow…I am going to make a more conscious effort to allow myself to breathe, to live, to accept that I can’t fix this. To stop taking on everyone’s pain as my own. I have enough. It serves no purpose, it really doesn’t relieve them of any of their grief or suffering, it only adds to mine.

And to smile more and mean it!

Yes, Sunny is still on my mind each and every day. I miss her. I think about and send love to her family daily as well, as they still and will always carry the loss of their beautiful daughter. There are days that it catches up with me more than others, but I do think that I have moved forward in positive ways.

I do smile and laugh more and I definitely mean it!!

So, for 2010, I plan to continue…learning, growing, living, laughing, being silly, loving and healing. And I want to make more art.

Starr and Sunny, being silly, Summer 2005

mp3: “Raindrops” – Grand Hallway
“Oh the sound of life, oh the sound of love”
“Oh the sound of change, oh the sound of starting”
Buy it here: Promenade
Grand Hallway-MySpace

It is a little sad and quiet around here on Christmas. Starr and I keep our smiles on, but really with just the two of us, it is difficult to distinguish Christmas day from any other day. One thing that Starr wants is “something special” for breakfast. Often I make biscuits and sausage gravy, but this year I made Cinnamon Roll French Toast. We might have found a breakfast worthy of making it a tradition!

Yum!

I took a short road trip to Laporte Colorado and bought giant cinnamon rolls at Vern’s Place. These I sliced like bread, but thicker and drenched in my latest french toast batter, eggs, sweetened condensed milk, vanilla, cinnamon and a little salt. Amounts vary each time I make it, which isn’t often because oh-so-rich and dangerous! I slow cooked them in butter until done. Starr approved!

They are sinful, but I think we can handle it once a year!

A member of my extended family was a part of a group of folks who gathered the history and stories of a few small communities in Southwestern Tennessee into a book and published it this Fall. I received a notice last August that the book was being published, but it was pricey and I hesitated.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it, because family tree stuff is truly boring unless it is your tree, but one of my hobbies is collecting family tree connections and research. So I was really curious about this book.

I was surprised and grateful to receive the book in the mail a few days ago. A gift from my parents who thought that we might enjoy it. They were right. After Starr spent about an hour pouring over it, I was finally able to give it a look though and in addition to new dates, facts and photos, there are personal stories which are a lot of fun! What a treat!

I might have mentioned in the past that my great-grandfather (Oscar) used to travel around curing cancer, skin cancer in particular. To do this, he left his wife alone most of the time to run the farm and care for their 7 children. He is also rumored to have had a second family out there somewhere, but I have found no proof of this. He called himself a Cancer Doctor, though he didn’t have any kind of medical degree. He, along with his father (John), developed a “cure” regimen after John suffered from a cancer that ate away part of his left cheek.

I knew that Oscar did this, but now I know more of the story, as he wrote it in approximately 1933. Thankfully someone saved it. They also saved this pamphlet, which includes testimonials. The names of some of the testifiers are familiar, I will have to pull out my family tree files and see if they match.

I am thrilled with this gift, the stories and the history that it contains. Which reminds me, I have a story that Oscar wrote that I’ve been meaning to share. I just need to transcribe it.

Okay, my computer is finally back. HP technicians were unable to recover any of my data, thank goodness for my new external hard drive!! I have been busy putting it all back together. Fun!

In the meantime, we have been having some beautiful weather, it is not Winter-like at all. No snow. Warmer than normal temperatures. It doesn’t feel much like Christmas, but I’m not doing a lot of complaining!!

I opened the back door the other day for a bit of fresh air. The cats love it when the doors and windows are open! I took this picture of the cats (with my phone) while they were watching our resident squirrel “eat” (stealing the stuffing from) our patio chairs. I’ve mentioned him before, here and here. Stinker.

It’s nice to have things be almost back to normal around here. I look forward to checking in with all of you!

Happy Friday!

Sadly (for me) I will not be blogging, or reading/commenting on any other blogs, for the next week or so as my hard drive crashed and I am without a computer until it gets replaced.

I am already missing the connection with all of you. However, my house is cleaner and all the laundry is done!

I miss the internet! My phone is just not a very good substitute.

See you soon!