I have been very busy working in my office this week. Dishes are piling up in the sink, my bed is unmade, dust is moving in. Being secluded in my office, not socializing, lost in tax return hell. I am distracted and at the moment unproductive. Trying, and failing, to gather my thoughts, looking up financial aid information, texting, checking Facebook, wondering if I have remembered everything–knowing that I haven’t, answering urgent* phone calls from Starr. I will get through it, but at the moment…GAH!

However, I did finally get a chance to watch For The Bible Tells Me So yesterday while crunching numbers. It has been on my list for quite a while. I recommend it.

From the website for the BIBLE tells me so:

FILM SYNOPSIS

Can the love between two people ever be an abomination? Is the chasm separating gays and lesbians and Christianity too wide to cross? Is the Bible an excuse to hate?

Through the experiences of five very normal, very Christian, very American families — including those of former House Majority Leader Richard Gephardt and Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson — we discover how insightful people of faith handle the realization of having a gay child. Informed by such respected voices as Bishop Desmond Tutu, Harvard’s Peter Gomes, Orthodox Rabbi Steve Greenberg and Reverend Jimmy Creech, FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO offers healing, clarity and understanding to anyone caught in the crosshairs of scripture and sexual identity.

*She ran out of shampoo…it’s an emergency!

As I started watching this video earlier today, in my mind I could hear my daughter complaining (loudly) that it was just plain wrong. The person she is, and the people she surrounds herself with do not agree with anything being said…and then…

Ahh.

mp3: “Harmless Lover’s Discourse” – Odawas
The Blue Depths
Odawas-MySpace

mp3: “Spirited” – Laura Gibson
Beats of Seasons
Laura Gibson-MySpace

mp3: “Go On, Say It” – Blind Pilot
3 Rounds and a Sound
Blind Pilot-MySpace

mp3: “Turn Cold” – Cut off Your Hands
You & I
Cut off Your Hands-MySpace

mp3: “Walls Fall Down” – Bedouin Soundclash
Street Gospels
Bedouin Soundclash-MySpace

I was watching TV the other night, alone at home, when it hit. Hitching breath, squeezing heart…tears. Pain. It was not a physical problem, but a mental one. Another intense moment of missing Sunny, of taking on the pain of her family, of fear for Starr. I have no idea what the trigger was.

Nearly everyday, sometimes more than once, I am struck hard with the loss of Sunny. I could be doing the dishes, removing laundry from the dryer, sitting at a stop light. It’s real. Sunny is gone. I am not going to wake up from this nightmare. Ever.

I miss her, I miss her laugh, her smile, her stubbornness. I loved the way she would get irrationally angry at fictional characters on TV shows. Maybe that is what set me off the other night, as I was watching one of the shows that we would occasionally watch together, and talk about regularly.

This morning, while running an errand, I drove past the tree that was planted in Sunny’s memory. I noticed that there were paper hearts tied all over it for Valentine’s Day. It was nice and sad at the same time.

I miss you, Sweetheart.

I am re-posting the PostSecret Valentine Video from last year. All I can say about our day, is that at least we didn’t have the flu. Which is what we were experiencing last year!

Actually, Starr and I went to the movies and ordered dinner in from the Corner Pub in our neighborhood. Interestingly, late last night Starr noticed an amazing number of relationship changes among her many friends on Facebook last night, sadly there were way more breakups than new relationships.

This is one of my favorite secrets from this year's Valentine's Day offerings

“Fidelity”: Don’t Divorce… from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

On December 19, 2008, Ken Starr and the Prop 8 Legal Defense Fund filed legal briefs defending the constitutionality of Prop 8 and seeking to nullify the marriages of 18,000 devoted same-sex couples solemnized before Prop 8 passed.

In my mind, it’s simple. People are people, we all deserve to live and be treated equally. Always. To find love, to marry, to work, to play.
Courage Campaign

We know that, ultimately, love will prevail, no matter how hard they try to fight it.

As Keith Olberman said in a previous postt regarding the passing of Prop 8:

If you voted for this Proposition or support those who did or the sentiment they expressed, I have some questions, because, truly, I do not understand. Why does this matter to you? What is it to you? In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don’t want to deny you yours. They don’t want to take anything away from you. They want what you want—a chance to be a little less alone in the world.

Thanks to Jason and his post Please Help Us for the heads up.

Have a wonderful Valentine’s Day weekend with the people you love. Whoever they are!

I did it!

And I’m doing a little happy dance!

mp3: “A Little Tradition” – Novillero
A Little Tradition
Novillero-MySpace